Fear of dating at 55 am i intimidating my boss
A few weeks ago, I wrote about casual relationships and how so many people don’t recognise that they’re in one because they see the hallmarks of a relationship, such as being together over a period of time, sleeping together, being introduced to others etc, but they don’t recognise that there are crucial landmarks missing such as commitment, consistency, intimacy, progression and balance.One of the biggest sources of angst from readers is the whole question of starting over, dating again, trusting again, and ultimately knowing if they’re ready for a relationship/to start dating again.The person on the receiving end is like a stopover/layover, or even a rehab. We end up knowing they’re not The One or that the relationship is not for us, but we see benefits to staying in the meantime or fear having to start over.Maybe we hope to convince ourselves into it being right.Instead we, as is often the case, try to take a shortcut and we decide that we will date because we want some attention, we want to feel validated, and actually, more importantly although we often won’t admit it, we want to avoid dealing with the feelings about ourselves or the previous relationship.
You’re not going to be emotionally available again if you persist in seeking short-term fixes and avoiding feeling out your feelings by dousing yourself in attention. Instant attention, instant connection, instant money (well not so much since the credit crunch), instant sex, quick, fast, shortcut everything.
It is not the job of others to get you over your ex – you have to get over them.
You have to sort your problems or your relationship becomes your problem and you’ll likely make shady choices based on your frame of mind.
People who avoid doing the emotional work are often willing to date a few people at a time, or have someone in reserve somewhere in case the current one doesn’t work out. It’s like people can’t hack being single – they have to be dating or at the very least sleeping with someone. In olden times, casual sex was just sex – now it’s often the fringe benefits of a relationship without the relationship.
Of course, in one or even both of you feeling this way, your relationship will lack the landmarks of a healthy relationship.
People who avoid doing the emotional work assume that if someone is that special, they will get over their ex or their problems will magically disappear.